Important first notes: This information is for consenting adults (18+). The most important things are clear, enthusiastic consent, safety, and communication. If either partner is uncomfortable at any time, stop. This guide focuses on practical, non-graphic advice, hygiene, and risk reduction.

1. Consent and communication

  • Ask permission beforehand. A simple, direct question like "Are you okay if I do this?" is fine.
  • Discuss boundaries: what is and isn't okay (depth, use of teeth, swallowing, use of condoms, where/when to stop).
  • Agree on a clear signal or word to stop immediately if needed.
  • Check in while doing it: "Is this pressure ok? Do you like the speed?"

2. Hygiene and preparation

  • Both partners should feel clean and recent tooth-brushing or mouthwash can help you feel more comfortable.
  • Trim or tie back long hair to avoid interference. Some people prefer trimmed pubic hair; discuss preferences.
  • If either partner has sores, cuts, cold sores, or active infections in the mouth or on the genitals, avoid oral-genital contact until healed.
  • If using a condom, choose one that fits and is designed for oral use (flavored condoms can make taste more pleasant). Use only water-based or silicone lubricants with condoms.

3. Safety and STI risk reduction

  • Oral sex is lower risk than some other sexual activities for HIV but it still carries risk for STIs such as gonorrhea, chlamydia, syphilis, herpes, HPV, and hepatitis.
  • Using a condom reduces risk significantly for fellatio. If a condom is not used, be aware of the risks and consider regular STI testing.
  • HPV and hepatitis B vaccines are effective prevention tools; talk to a healthcare provider about vaccination if you haven’t had them.
  • Avoid oral sex if you have bleeding gums, mouth sores, or cuts in your mouth. Avoid giving oral sex if the partner has visible sores on their genitals.

4. Basic, practical technique (non-graphic)

There are many ways to do this — everyone has different preferences. Start slowly and ask for feedback.

  • Positioning: Find a comfortable position for both of you. Sitting on a chair or lying back on a bed are common options; adjust so you can breathe and move freely.
  • Start slowly: Begin with kissing, licking, or gentle lips on the head (glans) and shaft to warm up and gauge responses.
  • Use lips and tongue: The lips can create a seal and the tongue can stimulate the underside and around the head. Vary speed and pressure and notice what the partner responds to.
  • Use your hands: One or both hands can stroke the base and shaft while your mouth covers the head and upper shaft. Coordinating hand and mouth reduces the need for deep oral depth and gives more control.
  • Avoid teeth: Keep teeth covered with lips; if you unintentionally touch teeth, shift slightly or use your hand to cover that area.
  • Depth and gagging: You don’t have to take the whole penis into your mouth. Use shallower strokes if you have a sensitive gag reflex. Exhaling through the nose or breathing techniques can help reduce gagging. Communicate if something is uncomfortable.
  • Rhythm and variation: People often enjoy a pattern — a steady rhythm interspersed with occasional faster or slower strokes, and targeted attention to the head and underside. Ask which feels best.
  • When close to orgasm: Ask whether the partner prefers to pull out and finish on the body, finish in the mouth, or finish into a condom (if used). Always follow the agreed preference.

5. Condoms, ejaculation, and aftercare

  • If you agree on condom use, put it on before any genital contact. Flavored condoms are made for oral sex and can help with taste while still providing STI protection.
  • If the partner will ejaculate in your mouth, that must be explicitly agreed on. If you prefer not to swallow, you can spit into a tissue, sink, or towel and clean up. Use of a condom avoids direct contact.
  • Aftercare: Take a moment afterwards to check in emotionally and physically. Drink water, rinse your mouth if you like, and cuddle or discuss how it felt if you want to.

6. If something goes wrong

  • If you experience pain, bleeding, or other concerning symptoms, stop and seek medical advice.
  • If you think you may have been exposed to an STI, get tested. Many clinics offer confidential testing and treatment.

7. Resources

  • Local sexual health clinics or Planned Parenthood for STI testing, contraception, and vaccination.
  • Talk to a healthcare provider about HPV and hepatitis B vaccination if you haven’t had them.

Final reminder: good sex is built on consent, communication, respect, and safety. Don’t be afraid to talk openly with your partner about what you both like and don’t like.